I'm A Sinner
Lord, forgive Me - I serve you, not the Algorithm.
For so long, I’ve been seeking acceptance, and many of us are. I realize now, it does nothing but put us in a loop of comparison and paralysis. People say the “paralysis of analysis” is the issue, but what are we analyzing? In this day and age, it’s likes and views, but James Baldwin said, “Love has never been a popular movement.” I realize on a more intimate level that it really never has been. And while I recognize there is only one love—and for me, that includes a love for humanity, earth, Africana culture, and Black people—I now understand that, THAT love, is truly forged, as Baldwin said, by a few people.
And where there are few people, there is often little understanding…but for those who understand me, we need each other. We are part of a divine ecosystem and collective consciousness, where one of us needs the other to rise, so we all can. I offer my voice to those who understand and For Those Who Listen. There is no time to convince people who do not care, to care. There is no time to care about unsolicited opinions from strangers. So I am done caring about people who do not understand my heart, who do not respect the humanity of Africana people, and who do not see the value of the Black Radical tradition in relationship to the world around them.
May any and all negativity attached to my craft, voice, and truth be obliterated for the truth of the Lord shines in all I do.
I am truly fortifying radical self-acceptance, realizing it's subconsciously deep and mentally layered, a raw and spiritually binding process. It's a tough, complex work, especially as a Black person, and few of us do it. Interestingly enough, apart of this self-acceptance surrounds the fact that I will never apologize for loving and talking about Black people or ignoring issues that don't concern us. I won't commit to anything that doesn't sharpen my analysis and fortify my spirit as it relates to our people and history. My focus will always be Pan-African unity.
May nothing and no one get in the way of my divine assignment, sovereignty, and spiritual need to see self-determination for my people.
I find that in a world of likes and social media as social currency, I have forgotten that my true worth lies in the divine. My best friend spoke life back into me, reminding me how spiritually wealthy I am, and that my worth lies in my spiritual integrity and how I show up. The gifts bestowed upon me are my wealth, and to doubt, compare, or focus on things outside of myself, things I cannot change, is insanity. It's a sin against myself, quite literally. I think I've been insane in this regard for a while, and we all are at some point. She went on to say that we forget who is watching – implying God – and it brought me back to the inner knowing that God IS always watching. God IS who I serve, and who I have always served. There was a time when my yearning to understand the world coincided with a yearning to understand myself in relationship to the Divine, and now I am seeking to understand myself in relationship to others? I think I forgot, lost focus, and community reminded me. Thank God for community.
May any and all people and things †hat seek to undermine me, my mind and my spiritual foundation be ripped to shreds.
God is waiting on me, and you, to understand that what and who we are is what and who we need to focus on.
Because when I focus on what I cannot change, I prove that I am not ready to actualize myself, and that is all I have ever wanted to do.
The idea of getting out of your own way can seem sinister because we have to ask ourselves: what parts of ourselves are in the way? Who is in the way? What have we chosen to believe about who we are? What are we focusing on? Why are we caring more about what others think than what the Creator does?
That reevaluation must be constant because our stimulation is constant. Our minds, values, morals, spirits, and ideologies are quite literally vulnerable and actively being sought out to be hijacked. If we don't take ourselves seriously—and I’m not talking about this in a sense of capitalist professionalism or building skills for the labor force—our spiritual and mental selves are up for grabs.
May the grave someone seeks to dig for me they dig for themselves.
Why is the system so invested in hijacking our attention through social media apps? We know it's not solely about money. I share this as a form of public shadow work and as an example that we are all figuring this out, and we should seek to know God by seeking to know ourselves.
So no, I don't care about the likes anymore, and I am actively seeking to hijack the internet and its algorithm with truth, and I pray that whoever is meant to listen…will.
I serve God, not the algorithm.
Get out the way!
