Something You May Not Already Know About Me

I did an exercise with some comrades today, and we shared experiences we might not have known about each other. This inevitably led to a reflection on what brought us to that exact moment. I want to share where I’ve been and how I got here. I am no different from any of you reading, and my story has been one of curiosity and empathy, leading me to discover passion, purpose, and resistance.

As a youth, I grew up like many Black people across the colonized world. At home, I learned about my cultural legacy and history, but at school, I was taught a completely different history. As a child, this made me wonder—it made me search. In hindsight, I was a confident child who believed that I had a solution to the world's problems. I believed what we saw on the news wasn’t true, and maybe I could create something better, maybe I could do something more. Like many of us, I had a trigger point, though I didn’t realize it until today.

It was a senseless act of gun violence that made me want to understand how Black people have been sociologically positioned in environments where someone would kill a youth for the shoes on their feet as they walked to school. His name was Marckel, and he was a leader in my ROTC class. I admired him deeply—his features, character, spirit, and energy were beautiful to me. He was murdered on his way to school for the shoes on his feet, and it devastated me. I didn’t have a deep personal connection with him outside of learning from him in ROTC, but the week before he was killed, he waved at me across a highway. That wave made me happy, and his death hurt me and the school in a way I hadn’t imagined.

Part of me had high expectations for Marckel. I saw dreams in him and had no doubt he would soar wherever he found himself in the world. I told myself that when I went to college, I would take him with me, and I did. I took him, along with the rest of the people in my lineage who didn’t have the opportunity to go to college, and I took advantage of it. I stepped out of my comfort zone and into my curiosities about the world around me.

I saw the double reality of being Black in the American education system, being part of the working class, and its connection to violence. Being surrounded by 1st-generation Africans in America throughout high school also made me appreciate the diversity of our people. Naturally, I wanted to learn more. I chose sociology as my major to study human relationships and the science of people's connections with each other. Then, I took an Intro to Africana Studies course, and there I began to discover everything I ever needed to know about myself, where we as a people have been, and where we can go.

I started a Black mental health campaign called 'The Smile Campaign' and created peer-support spaces to discuss how the ills of racism, trauma, and capitalism contribute to mental health issues among Black people. I eventually graduated with a Bachelor's in Africana Studies amid the pandemic and have been creating from my curiosities and degree ever since—starting a podcast called Ayanmo Radio, writing short stories and essays, and sharing my reflections and journey online.

I believe I’m at a turning point now. It’s important for both my readers and me to reflect on and understand my past so that we can unapologetically move into the future together.

With Love,

Souljah